Who is the real author of the Ten Commandments?
Obviously, I don’t have a clue. However, whoever that might have been, some things about them I know for certain. I know it by the wording of the fifth commandment: “Honor thy father and thy mother.”
- They did not meet many young children
They not meet the ones who have not yet given up. Had they seen them up-close, they would have known they always, but always, honor their parents. They would have seen the excitement overtaking a 4-year old boy when they hear Daddy approaching, and the 6-year girl desperately trying to please her very very busy Mommy.
They would have realized there is no other relationship in the world that is as honoring, appreciating, even filled with adoration.
- They did not respect young children that much
Had they respected young children, they would have understood that if a child has stopped honoring their parent, they must have had a very good reason for that. Honoring or admiring Daddy or Mommy is so a tremendously nourishing, such an empowering thing, that a child that has given that up and to has started showing disrespect never does so because they have “lost their way.”
- They were not thinking on the younger children, when they wrote this commandment
Had they considered the children, they would have written “Thy shall consider thy child and heed them…” It is that simple. Anyone who has met very young children (those who have not yet given up) and has shown them respect, knows how easy it is for them to return that respect. They quickly revert to respecting those who stop demanding such respect, those who are self-respecting and attentive to the child.
Children who heed the commands coming from their own depths continue to respect their parents at 10 and even at 30. They do not need the commandment. There is no greater pleasure than to show respect to those who love and listen to you.
When I let myself be the innocent, trusting child that I am, the one who believes anything is possible (has put a check-mark on the sixth request) –
I imagine two men having a conversation 10 years from now. Two Daddies during their lunch break at work.
Danny speaks to Joseph. “It dawned on me yesterday that James misbehaves in class and destroyed our Saturday outing jest because he is asking for intimacy. And you know, when I got that, there was no more anger. You cannot believe how disconnected I felt from my own parents, how lonely I felt…and that is what I remembered when James yelled at his sister last night. It hurt me. I looked him in the eye, quietly, and he immediately felt I am really seeing him. The whole night was transformed…”
And I imagine conversations like this taking place everywhere. Things parents talk about, that pertain to the deep requests their children make. I imagine parents getting excited from this new vocabulary, where parenting is not about “satisfying needs, setting boundaries, or positive reinforcements,” but rather about a deep meeting, full of surprises, and close to what is important in life.
For example, real intimacy with those we care about.
Or the freedom to express our uniqueness.
Or the freedom to feel at home event when it’s rough.
I let myself think that this new vocabulary excites you as well.
I believe this futuristic scene excites you.
(Can you imagine? Parenting as a deep listening process that is the norm…)